Societal Norms and Their Influence on People Pleasing Behavior

Hello there! Today, we’re diving into the deep end of societal norms and how they shape our people pleasing behavior. Grab a snack, and let’s get into it.

A societal norm is defined as: the informal rules that define what is acceptable and appropriate behavior within a group or community. 

Society has a funny way of setting expectations for us, often without us even realizing it. From a young age, we’re bombarded with messages about how we should behave, especially as women of color. You can’t be angry. You need to have it all together. You need to put others first. You have to be strong. Sound familiar?

Let’s break down some of these societal norms:

1.        The Good Girl Syndrome: Society loves a “good girl.” You know, the one who never causes trouble, always helps out, and smiles through everything. While being kind and helpful are great traits, feeling like you have to be the “good girl” all the time can lead to chronic people pleasing.

2.        The Superwoman Myth: There’s this idea that women, especially women of color, have to be superhuman. We’re expected to juggle work, family, social obligations, and still have time to clean the house and de-clutter. This unrealistic expectation can push us to say yes to everything, even when we’re running on fumes.

3.        The Harmony Keeper: Keeping the peace is another big one. We’re often taught to avoid conflict and maintain harmony at all costs. We’re taught not to get angry, and not to show anger. This can mean saying yes when we want to say no, just to keep things smooth and pleasant.

These societal norms can be sneaky. They’re so ingrained that we often follow them without question. But constantly trying to live up to these expectations can leave us exhausted, stressed, and disconnected from our true selves.

So, how do we break free from these societal norms and start living more authentically? Here are a few tips:

1.        Challenge the Norms: Start by questioning these societal expectations. Why do you feel the need to always say yes? Are these expectations realistic or fair? Sometimes, just recognizing that these norms are there can help you start to break free from them. It can be helpful to write these questions down, write down an answer, and review it with someone you trust. A therapist, a close friend, someone who supports you as a woman and a POC.

2.        Redefine Your Values: Take some time to think about what really matters to you. What are your values and priorities? When you’re clear on what’s important to you, it’s easier to say no to things that don’t align with your values. And it’s also easier to clarify, in real time, what is important to you – outside of what’s important to others.

3.        Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process. Have grace and patience with yourself through the ups and downs. Breaking free from societal norms is challenging, and it’s okay to take small steps. Celebrate your progress and forgive yourself for any setbacks. This is a marathon, not a sprint!

Remember, you don’t have to fit into society’s mold to be valuable or worthy. Your worth isn’t defined by how much you do for others or how well you meet societal expectations. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and to set boundaries that protect your well-being.

Stay tuned for more tips on navigating societal pressures and finding your own path. You’ve got this, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way!