Chronic People Pleasing: What It Is and Why It Matters
Hey there! Let’s talk about something many of us are guilty of—chronic people pleasing. You know, that nagging need to make everyone around you happy, even if it means sacrificing your own well-being. It’s like we have a superhero cape that says “YES” on the back, but spoiler alert: it’s not as cool as it sounds.
So, what exactly is chronic people pleasing? In simple terms, it’s the compulsive need to put others’ needs before your own. It’s not just about being nice or helpful; it’s about feeling obligated to make everyone else happy, often at the cost of your own happiness. And if you’re a woman of color, cultural expectations can add extra layers to this already tricky issue.
Why should you care? Well, being a people pleaser can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even resentment. Plus, it makes it hard to say no, which means you end up juggling more than you can handle. Picture this: you’re a circus performer, and each “yes” is another ball you have to keep in the air. Eventually, something’s gonna fall and break.
Let’s take a closer look at some common signs of chronic people pleasing:
You Apologize A Lot: You apologize for things that aren’t even your fault, like when someone else bumps into you. What’s up with that?
You Can’t Say No: Saying “no” feels like a crime. Even if you’re swamped with family and household tasks, you still say “yes” to helping a friend move.
You’re a Chameleon: You adapt your personality to fit in with different groups, losing sight of who you really are.
If any of these sound familiar, you might be a chronic people pleaser. Don’t worry, though! Acknowledging this issue is the first step toward change.
But why do we do it? The roots of people pleasing can be deep. Maybe it stems from childhood, where praise and acceptance were linked to pleasing others. Or perhaps it’s cultural, where women of color are often expected to be selfless caregivers. Understanding these roots can help us address the behavior.
The next step? Start small. Practice saying “no” in low-stakes situations. For example, the next time someone asks for a favor and you’re already stretched thin, try saying, “I’d love to help, but I’m swamped right now.” It’s straightforward and honest. You could even try saying, “I can only devote 2 hours to you. If that works for you, let me know.” This is a great practice to help you also learn the value of compromise and negotiation within your relationships.
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. By prioritizing your own needs, you’ll be better equipped to help others in a healthy, balanced way. And hey, it’s okay to put that superhero cape away sometimes.
In the coming weeks, we’ll dive deeper into the why’s and how’s of chronic people pleasing, exploring everything from cultural pressures to practical strategies for setting boundaries. So stay tuned, and remember: your happiness and your life matters just as much as everyone else’s!
